Identity

Friday, March 13, 2015

The first question people ask you is "what do you do?" and for the longest time my answer has been "I'm an account executive in advertising. I work on McDonald's National advertising. Did you see the Super Bowl?" My bright shiny braggy proud answer. A badge of honor I wear to show how hard I have worked and where I have came from.

I loved telling people that the reason we moved to Chicago was for my job. My feminist ego bursting forth breaking stereotypical mormon norms. Moving somewhere for the woman. Pursuing her career. But here we are now, me following the man. To Dallas of all places. No friends, no job, a temporary apartment.

As I say this understand that we made this decision as a couple, 100% aligned that this is what is right for our future together. Secretly I thought it would be nice. Take a couple of months off, look for something new, have a little break from a church calling etc. etc. But it's harder than I thought. And it's only been two days. Call me a whiner if you want. I think the struggle is dealing with ambiguity for what is next. What I want.

When people ask me what I do what do I tell them? I didn't understand that so much of what I am proud of in my life relates to my job. To me this realization is sad and a little shocking. I can have all of these creative hobbies, but all of a sudden I don't have a "real" job that puts money on the table and I'm questioning my self worth. Being stripped of my identity is strange but I'm not sure I'm ready to jump back into something again quickly. I want to choose the right thing for me and I haven't really even started looking for something else yet.

So I guess I'll just unpack my apartment, make some dinner, and work on figuring out why I have such an issue with not having a job. Maybe I'll even start working out.

3 comments:

  1. The Superbowl McDonald's ad!? You ARE good. I hope you find the right, new thing for you soon! Also I love your blog.

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  2. Girl you are amazing! And I just love what you wrote about identity, and definitely relate. The "in between" seasons can be so strange, but so wonderful, and I hope you find the perfect new thing!

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  3. I totally relate to this. I was unemployed/half-employed/part-employed for most of 2013 and it was a real hit to my identity. Every social situation reminded that the answer to "and what do you do..." was "umm....I job hunt" or "I work part-time at Anthropologie" or if I was really trying to pretend I wasn't unemployed "I'm a freelance writer." Which, to be fair, was my main job during all of that. And then when I did get a job, I wasn't writing full-time anymore like I had been for years. And I really missed telling people "I'm a writer" because it defined me. And then I worked at Google, so I could just say "Google" and let that be my cool label. It's funny how much those labels start meaning to you and what it says about you to people, you know? I get it. I hope you find something soon that gives you something to say, even if it's just "I'm a blogger" and let them imagine what they will :) Good luck in Texas! You're living in my birthplace. I know it can be kind of barren (see: I don't live there and probably never will voluntarily) but I also know there are such friendly people to be found. And good brisket to be had. And bluebonnet bouquets! For days! Bluebonnets are the best flower. So I hope you find your spot and your place and your people and your label....soon :)

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